The past few days have been incredibly hard for me. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t been sleeping as well as I normally do, but I’ve been more emotional than usual over the past week or so. I’ve had a couple of meltdowns and a lot of times where I wanted to have a meltdown but was able to distract myself instead.
The thing is that sometimes you just forget how hard it is to have autism. You forget that you even have autism sometimes. When you’re able to live life in the same world as everyone else and do what other people do, sometimes you forget how hard some things are. You forget that what comes naturally to some may not come naturally to you. You forget that you may take things more personally than someone else. You forget how hard you have to try to say the right thing all the time.
Sometimes you forget how to act normal. You forget that normal people don’t think like you. You forget that what comes naturally to you seems strange or awkward to others. You forget that other people don’t understand you and that you don’t understand them.
You just forget how hard life is sometimes. And then… you get that reminder that you’re different and will never be “normal” and the world seems harsh again. Sometimes I want to just disappear to my own world where things make sense and people aren’t difficult to understand and I don’t feel inadequate all the time.
Sometimes I just wish that people could see what my normal is like. Maybe if other people lived in my normal world, they’d see how abnormal their world actually is.
This inspired me to write a poem which you can find on my other blog at http://underthesurfacepoetry.wordpress.com/2014/07/18/your-normal-world/