Lately my limitations have really been getting to me. I know that I have more to give than I have the capacity for right now. But if things stay as they are, I will never be able to do all that I want to do. Autism will never go away. People say that there are cures or that they’ve seen people be cured, but it’s a fallacy. We simply learn to blend in better.
And so… I need your help. I need your help to blend in better. I need your help because I can’t do this alone. I can’t teach myself what I don’t understand and what I can’t learn from observing the world I am currently living in. There are a lot of things that I don’t know how to do or can’t do right now because of autism. But maybe if I had some help I could learn how to do those things. Maybe if someone could show me in a way I can understand, I can improve on skills I’ve craved to learn since kindergarten.
I have heard a lot of good things about video modeling and I would like to try it. I would like to do a little self-experiment to see if video modeling can help me get past some of my current limitations.
So… here’s what I need from you:
Take a video of yourself or a friend or even a stranger (make sure you get their permission first) saying hi to someone. It can be anywhere- the grocery store, the mall, work, church, etc. Try to make it as realistic and natural as possible.
Then send me the video or post it on your youtube page or blog and send me the link. If you would like to email me with it, leave me a comment and I’ll send you my contact info.
I would also appreciate any other videos you are willing to share with me that have to do with everyday social interactions- small talk, meeting someone new, asking someone on a date, etc.
Thanks in advance for anything you can help me with. I can’t do this alone and I really need help to become better so I really appreciate anything you can do to help.
autismthoughts 
That’s probably a tough one for many people. I know I don’t have the capability. Or maybe I’m just old! But I do wonder if figuring stuff out, basic stuff , from just plain tv & a mirror might help?
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I figured I wouldn’t get too many videos from this, but even if I only get a couple, it would be worth it. And I’ve looked up youtube videos, but none of it really addresses what I need to learn. If you know of specific videos I could look up, that might help. But all the searching I’ve done hasn’t yielded any really beneficial results. The thing I need to learn specifically is saying hi to someone who isn’t looking at me and saying hi to someone I recognize but haven’t really had a conversation with before.
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Something worth considering is that people won’t really act naturally if they know they are being recorded. It’s also the case in social situations. It can be tricky distinguishing an “I have to” from an “I want to” smile or greeting as the differences between a genuine and fake can be quite subtle.
Perhaps having a mentor arrangement might work better? Someone who work directly with you to help reduce the effort required to get you where you want to be.
It’s obvious this is weighing heavily on you and I want to help but thinking about what you are seeking maybe another approach is to simply accept some people are going to judgemental and that is in fact their problem. They actually have much more serious issues than you do. Their lives are poorer because they choose to exclude anyone that does not fit their norm. You are better off without them in your life!
Give your time and energy to people who accept you “as is” and are actually interested in getting to know you. Maybe that won’t be hundreds of people but it doesn’t need to be. Focus on quality not quantity of relationships.
You have always struck me as an intelligent and articulate person. You have also demonstrated strength and honesty in sharing your thoughts and feelings here. Use those qualities and you will find a way forward.
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The hard thing is that I feel like people would like me if they only saw me. If I could just learn how to say hello to someone new or greet someone I’ve seen before, but haven’t had a chance to talk to. I know that the videos won’t be totally natural and I know that they’re not going to drastically change my abilities. But if I can just see some different ways of doing this, it might be just enough to make that step. The biggest problem I have is that I see a million opportunities, but I don’t know how to take them. I only have one way right now of meeting someone new and I use it as well as I can, but if that specific opportunity doesn’t come up, I’m completely lost on what to do. And maybe this won’t make any difference even if I get some videos, but I have to at least try it.
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It’s fair to say you are not alone in that respect. Most people want to be liked. What’s important is not to worry if people don’t. That’s everything to do with them and not you.
I tracked down some videos that may assist.
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Thanks! That does help. It’ll be hard, but I’ll try it 🙂
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Pants that my son will normally wear can cause meltdowns on certain days because they are bothering him. Thank you for the wonderful comparisons so that others can begin to understand.
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Yeah, it really just depends on the day for most things. Thanks for reading!
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