To some people loving others just seems to come naturally. They use words like I love you and honey and sweetie all the time and with just about anybody. For me, it’s hard to use these words unless I feel them strongly within my heart. I’ve gotten better at saying I love you, but that’s the only phrase I use. I have never said honey or sweetie and I’ve only ever thought those words toward someone once.
Maybe it’s because I’ve never had a significant other, but I just don’t use or think of pet names or nicknames for people. I just don’t feel the desire to call people anything other than their name or title. My best friend and I play around with nicknames every once in a while, but we don’t call each other by those names on a regular basis. I call her fireball when she gets upset and she calls me by a family nickname which is so familiar that it’s practically my name.
There was one time though that I felt love toward someone so strongly that I used the word honey. It was someone that I had never met before and was talking to online for the first time. I met them through an online support group where I helped people going through depression and other psychological disorders. Anyway, she asked me if I would keep talking to her so she wouldn’t have to die alone. And I just felt an overwhelming love for this person I had never met. She didn’t end up dying that night, but I talked to her until she went to sleep and just let her know that I loved her even though that conversation was the only thing I knew about her.
So even though I may not use the love words very often, I feel love. I feel it so deeply sometimes that it feels like it will spill out of me like a waterfall. And even if love doesn’t always feel like that, I know that I love and I am loved. And I just think, maybe the words will come eventually, but right now it is enough.