This will probably be the hardest post I will ever write. I have never talked about this before and it is probably the scariest thing for me to talk about. Hopefully, I can do this justice despite my fears of addressing this.
I consider myself to be asexual or genderless. In other words, I don’t think of myself as either male or female and I don’t associate myself with either male or female sexual orientation.
Just saying that makes me tense… The words transgender, homosexual, etc. flood into my head when I talk about gender identity issues. But I don’t relate to any of that really. In fact, the only reason I classify myself as asexual is for me, because it makes it easier to deal with certain things.
So… why am I writing this? If this is only for me, why am I taking the risk of writing it for all of you to see?
Well… to be honest, I don’t know… But maybe, just maybe, there’s someone out there struggling just as much as I was.
For as long as I can remember, people haven’t been able to tell whether I am male or female. I get called sir and miss interchangeably, sometimes in the same sentence.
This used to bother me a lot. I used to hate using the restroom in public or going out at all. I’ve been asked to leave dressing rooms, been shown to the men’s restroom, and had people call me shim or whisper gender questions behind my back. And I would cry myself to sleep many nights because of this.
But now it really doesn’t matter anymore. When someone calls me a man, I don’t even acknowledge it. I don’t get upset or stressed or feel the need to correct them. It doesn’t matter because I don’t have to consider myself a girl and therefore feel the need to defend that characteristic of myself.
Now in saying all of this, I’m not in denial and I do realize that I am a girl. I just don’t care if others realize it because I know I don’t fit the norm and that’s okay.
Hopefully this all makes sense. Basically I just want people to realize that it’s okay to have gender questions or acknowledge that you feel differently about your gender than others. And you don’t have to go to LGBT parades or “come out” on Facebook if you feel like you don’t fit in. We’re all different and it’s okay to be different.
The important thing is that you know who you are and you like who you are. And if you don’t like who you are then keep trying until you do. I think everyone deserves to love themselves and to be loved, and if you have to think outside of the norm to make that happen, do it.
“Life is too short to be anything but happy.”