Listing Trials

“Some people deal with depression; others have same-sex attraction or a disability or health issues. We all have our own struggles to deal with.”

I have heard this sentiment more than once. I know that it is meant to be positive. What the person is really trying to say is, “it’s okay that you struggle because we all have problems.” What I hear is, “these are things that I think are really hard to deal with, so it’s not so bad that you just have autism.” And what I think is, “you have no idea.”

See, I don’t just have autism. I do struggle with depression and gender identity and health issues. I have most, if not all, of the things that people consider to be really hard trials. So naming off trials to tell me it’s not so bad does the exact opposite of it’s intended purpose. It makes me feel more broken because if I struggle with all these “hard” things, does that mean I have that many bridges to cross before ever being at the same place as everyone else?

And I have to keep reminding myself that it’s okay. Yes, I have a lot of “hard” trials. But no, they don’t hold me back. My life is not a list of everything working against me. My success is not measured by how many hard things I don’t seem to struggle with. I am me, and that is enough.

Tomorrow I hope to be a new me, a better me. That is how I measure success. It’s not about how far I come or how much I endure. Life is simply about being better than you were yesterday and that is always a success.

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6 thoughts on “Listing Trials

  1. technicolourbrain says:

    Great Post. One thing I will say though is to be aware of people around you too. I’ve dealt with problems and I do everyday. For a while, I was selfish. I thought that I was the only one with problems. I made sure the world revolved around me but it doesn’t. One of my lecturers told me that everyone is dealing with problems. Everyone finds something hard to take. It’s just some people are better at expressing it than others. It helps to appreciate others positions in life.

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    • Totally agree. It doesn’t matter what you are going through, it’s hard to you. I really liked what this one speaker said about life. “We are all given a scoop of life with different problems and talents that have exactly what we need to get through life. We can’t compare our trials to other people’s strengths because that’s not the whole scoop. Everyone will go through the hardest thing in the world to them at some point in life.”
      Thanks for your comment. 🙂

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  2. I think you are taking the statement wrong. It is not meant to say that some people have some trials and other people have other trials and everyone’s hardest are equal. It is more of a reminder that everyone struggles. When we look on facebook or even meet people, we only see a small part of who they are, even if they look like everything is going well, they have struggles. No one is alone in feeling like life is hard.

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    • I think that’s what I said. The thing is, there’s a difference between understanding what someone is saying and how you feel or believe about what they’re saying. I know that people mean that everyone struggles. But how I feel about it is that they are naming off hard things for examples and it reminds me of all my struggles rather than making me commiserate with other people and their struggles.

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      • So what you are telling me is you are tougher and cooler than everyone else, because most people have it easy compared to you. I am glad you have that kind of confidence. 🙂

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      • Lol. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s interesting the trials people pair together when they’re talking to me. I mean, there’s lots of hard things that I haven’t gone through, like divorce, death of a loved one, infidelity, physical handicaps. Pretty much all of my problems are internal and related to each other, but there’s lots of other problems in the world that don’t relate. That gives me an idea about how to handle this in the future. I’ll just ignore the problems the person brings up and replace them with problems I don’t have. Then maybe it’ll fill it’s intended purpose. 🙂 Thanks for helping me figure out how I can change how I think about this

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