I keep repeating this to myself over and over. It makes me laugh sometimes because my little nephew will go around saying, “I can do this.” So it reminds me of him.
The past week or so has been pretty hard. I’m not really sure why, other than the fact that a few of my friends left for college this week; so it’s been harder to find people to talk to at activities. Anyway, I’ve almost broken down at work, at church, and today I basically broke down during therapy.
The hardest thing sometimes is the feeling that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, I still feel depressed. I’m still trying though, partly because I want to be happier and partly because it’s the only choice I have.
I asked how I could serve people more at church, not so much because I want to serve as because I need to serve. I need something to forget myself. I feel like I’m drowning and the only way I can think to get out is through others. It feels kind of selfish, but I don’t really have much of a choice.
My therapist said today that we’re all a work in progress. We can’t compare our works in progress to other people’s finished product. I’m still thinking about that, but for now it helps me remember that even though I might feel selfish now, I’m not the finished product yet.
This post is not as organized as my usual posts, but that’s kind of how I’ve been feeling lately- less organized and more chaotic. I’m just hoping it gets better with all the stuff I’m trying to do.
autismthoughts 