If you read my blog regularly, you probably realize I go through and have been through a lot. You may think I’m strong for dealing with all I do, but the truth is that I have just been blessed with some amazing people in my life.
Most of them have come into my life rather suddenly, and left in much the same way. There’s a quote that says some friends are in your life just for a season or a reason. This has been incredibly true in my life. I have had people come and go, and looking back I see definite reasons why I needed them at that time.
My friends have helped me through dark times. They have helped me when I desperately needed it and truly did not deserve it. They have gotten me to hospitals and picked me up from hospitals after suicide attempts, eating disorders, and health issues. They have loved me when I didn’t deserve love and tried to help me when I pushed them away. I would not be alive without the many friends who saved me in small and big ways.
I still miss most of my friends. I miss the times we shared together, and the fun, and the connection we had. But most of all, I just miss their presence. I miss the option of talking to them.
I’m so scared to talk to the friends I have now because I don’t want them to disappear, but I’m also scared of not talking to them or telling them how I feel because I might miss my chance.
I am always grateful for the friends I have around. I am grateful for the time I spend with them and the hope they bring into my life. But I am also grateful for the friends that aren’t around.
I am grateful for the friends I miss. I am grateful for the many times they saved my life. I am grateful for their love and support. I am grateful that they were in my life. Even though I continue to miss them, I wouldn’t trade the pain of missing them for the cost of not having had them in my life. So I am grateful for the feelings of loss, loneliness, and longing because it means I loved and was loved.