“You spend so much time putting yourself down that you don’t have time to build yourself up.”
Yesterday afternoon I made myself a word sanctuary. I took a dry erase marker and wrote words on my mirror that people have actually used to describe me. Each word had to be from someone else because I knew I would never believe it if I came up with them myself. In the end, I had about 30 or so adjectives on two sides of the mirror.
Even as I wrote, it was hard to believe what they said. I know I’m a good person to some degree, but seeing those words written out seemed unreal. I have a three part mirror. So I could step into the opening and just be surrounded by positive words. For a moment, I just dropped to my knees as I read the words over and over. Could this be me? Could people really see that much good in me?
I stepped out of my word sanctuary to get some work done for a while. It wasn’t long before I found myself insulting myself and wanting to die because of some imagined mistake or unintentional offense. I stepped back into my word sanctuary and repeated the adjectives to myself over and over. Then, I wrote on the third section of the mirror one of my favorite quotes, “in here we don’t take counsel from our fears.”
I can’t say that this is going to change the way I see myself, but I am grateful for my new place of hope. This sanctuary of words built by the love of my friends and family gives me hope- hope that I am not hopeless, worthless, inadequate.
No matter what I may think of myself, those words are proof that someone sees better in me. This sanctuary of words is proof that I am not alone. One day I may be able to tell myself these things, but in the meantime I am grateful to be able to read the words of my friends in this beautiful new sanctuary.