Remembering

I spend a lot of time trying to forget. I have spent hours online or playing video games or just lying in bed staring at the ceiling in attempts to forget the pain, to forget myself, to forget that I’m alive. I go running to forget. I drive to forget. I eat to forget.

Sometimes though, I remember. I remember why I want to remember. I remember that life isn’t all bad. I remember the good, the love, the happiness. I remember laughing and singing and jumping and dancing. I remember playing and racing and swimming. I remember joy that rushed through me in moments of sheer bliss. I remember fun times with friends and family. I remember excitement over little and big things. I remember love, just plain loving someone for no other reason than that they were themselves.

And this remembering is amazing and I remember why I am alive and why I want to be alive. I spend so much time trying to forget when I really should focus on trying to remember.

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