I was invited to a birthday party yesterday. As far as I remember, this is the first time I have been specifically invited to a birthday party. I have been to parties for my family and sister’s friends, but not for one of my friends, not because someone specifically wanted me there. The only party I remember being invited to was in middle school and that was more of a going away party than anything else. Long story short, it didn’t go well. And needless to say, I haven’t been to one since.

Although this probably would have been an okay party and I probably could have appeared to not be completely socially awkward, I was nervous about it. So, when I had a perfect excuse to not stay at the party, I was happy to oblige. I went, said happy birthday, dropped off a gift, and left. Maybe I should have stayed for a bit and mingled. Maybe I should have taken advantage of the fact that I actually was invited and wanted there.

But I don’t like birthdays. My earliest memory of a birthday is when I was staying at a mice-infested house, my body covered in mosquito bites, helping to clean trash up to my waist, and throwing garbage into the dumpster when I realized it was my birthday and I was now 7 years old. Most of my other birthdays were lonely times, when little to no friends came.

So, this time, I just bowed out gracefully. Maybe next time I’ll face my fears. Maybe next time I’ll stay and mingle and possibly slightly overcome my fear of birthdays. Maybe if there is a next time, I’ll find a reason to enjoy birthdays.


2 thoughts on “Birthdays

  1. That’s so great that you showed up, even if only for a few minutes! You faced your fears, pushed on through, and showed up. That’s really all that matters and is a significant step. When we’re afraid of something or not very experienced with something, it’s good to start out slowly and keep progressing. We don’t have to have some big goal and throw ourselves right into it. Even seemingly small steps are very significant and amazing. Good for you!! 😀
    I am very shy in person. I don’t have anxiety but just very shy so I know how it is to not be included in some things because people think we’re not interested. I used to be, and sometimes still am, so shy to even make a simple phone call. But as long as we feel the fear of anything and go on anyway, carrying through with it, it’s a great thing. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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