I know I shouldn’t want to disappear when family visits, but I feel like I can’t handle it all right now. I feel like I’m on the verge of an autistic meltdown…

Everyone always thinks I do so well with all this… They just see me handling things. As much as I try to be strong, I sometimes wish people could see how hard it is.

I sometimes wish people could see that behind every walking quickly through a crowd is a need to get away from the noise, behind every “I’m tired” is a feeling of overwhelming anxiety that I’m trying to hold inside, behind every disappearance is a series of actions to try to get to an okay place again. I wish they knew how hard it is to try to act normal when everything in me is searching desperately for an escape. I wish they knew that as high functioning as I am, I can still be autistic.

One thought on “Escape

  1. It’s great that you are able to open up and express your pain and frustration here and not keep it all bottled up inside. It’s true that just because we are strong and great doesn’t mean we don’t have relapses or struggles sometimes. Even strong people who have it all together can need help and struggle occasionally. ~Hugs to you~ ❤

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