Today I went to church, even though I really didn’t want to. I got out of bed and ate something I didn’t want to eat and went to church. People at church asked me how I was and I kept saying I’m okay, but it was a lie. I’m not okay. I’m nothing close to okay, and I’m not sure when I’ll be okay again.
My doctor put me on an anxiety/ antidepressant medicine. I don’t know if it’s helping. The health issues have been worse, which doesn’t help my mental and emotional state.
I have this friend that works with me. I’m basically like her boss, but outside of work, we’re friends. She knows I think of suicide and other things. It just made me wonder, what if you knew your boss thought about suicide? How would you handle that? How would you treat them?
In all reality, I’m getting better. My depression isn’t as bad as it has been in previous years, and suicide is only a thought instead of the urge it used to be. I’m doing pretty good. But, I’m still not okay. And I’m really not sure when I will be okay again.