My biggest questions in life are: Am I good? Am I enough? Am I too much?
I feel so disconnected from the world. I know I don’t fit in. I never will. Sometimes I hate it. I hate this not fitting in. I want to so badly. On the one hand, I know I was never meant to fit in, but on the other hand, I wonder how life would be if I was more like other people.
It seems that it all comes down to feeling loved. Over and over again, I just wonder why I have certain thoughts, why I want to do things I do. I wonder if I do too much and it makes people uncomfortable. I think too much. I know I do. It’s hard to rationalize my actions as okay though when I don’t have much to base things on.
How do I know if people appreciate things I do if they don’t do those things? Do people like the way I show love? It’s all so messed up and complicated. I keep hoping one day it’ll make sense but instead it feels that it’s making less and less sense as time goes on.
Can someone love one as different as me? Will I ever know when to stop? Will I ever be free to show myself? I hope so. I really hope so.