As stated in my previous posts, the last month has been awful. I felt like I was trying to tread water while attached to a descending submarine. The last few days have been much better though. Even though I have been extremely sick to the point where getting out of bed was a bad idea, I was mentally okay. Sure, I had a couple breakdowns and meltdowns in the last week, and I probably made myself more sick by going in to work, but this past week seems to have been the beginning of better days.
There are a couple things that have caused some positive reflection this past week. For the most part, people actually seem to really like me. Crazy, right? First, I was invited to a friend’s wedding. I was super anxious about my gift and how I looked and just going in general, but I did it because she means a lot to me. Anyway, she was very happy to see me and even complimented my appearance. (I still don’t know how she liked the gift, but I’m hoping for the best.) Next, one of my friends invited me to be there when she opened her mission call. I was pretty surprised to be invited since I didn’t think we were that great of friends and missions are usually pretty personal events, but again, she was happy to see me and grateful I came. Then, a couple people from church called me this week or talked to me at church when they really didn’t have to. Anyway, it’s little things like that the break through the walls of my self doubt and reassure me that maybe I really am doing okay. Maybe I really am loved and wanted and needed and important. Not that I’m going to become overly confident and obnoxious about it, but it’s nice to feel like I matter. 🙂
Anyway, so as all of this has been happening, I have been reflecting on what exactly has happened in the last two years or so. I made a decision around that time to do hard things. I think of things I can do all the time. I think about going and talking to people that are sitting alone or dropping off gifts at people’s houses or complimenting someone on their lesson or comment. Up until that point in my life, I told myself that no one would ever want to hear what I had to say. Who was I to think that I could make a difference in someone’s life? (Reminds me of a quote 🙂 ) About two years ago though, I decided to set my fear aside and do things anyway. I decided that if I had a thought to tell someone I enjoyed their talk, that I was going to do it. And if I had a thought to drop off candy for someone, I would go and drop off candy, even if I didn’t have the courage to say who it was from. My point is that miracles happened because I chose to let go of my fears and just do what I wanted.
So my advice to you is: Do the impossible. Do the things you tell yourself you’re not good enough to do. Do the things you are afraid of doing. Do the things that you talk yourself out of. Get out of your comfort zone. Be you. Don’t let your fears stop you from trying to do good. And I promise you will see miracles. I know I have.