Don’t Look Up to Me

Don’t look up to me.
You think I’m strong for talking about mental illness?
The way I get away with not talking to anyone about what I go through is by telling everyone what I go through. I use this blog as a shield to keep me from having to really trust anyone.

Don’t look up to me.
You think I don’t get angry?
The only reason I don’t get as angry anymore is because I’ve consigned myself to bad days and lost promises and disappointing circumstances.

Don’t look up to me.
You think I am strong in my faith?
My faith is only strong because I need it so badly. I couldn’t find a reason to life if I didn’t believe in something better.

Don’t look up to me.
You think I’m smart?
I was born with above average intelligence, but below average social skills. Believe me, you don’t want to be trapped in your own body.

Don’t look up to me.
You think I have a way with words?
I can only form a sentence after much thought and consideration. It’s not a talent, it’s a deliberation.

Don’t look up to me.
You think I’m kind?
Sometimes I feel like I’m only kind for selfish reasons.

Don’t look up to me.
Mostly just because I am only me.

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