It Would Be Easy to Disappear

I moved to a new state about a month ago. It was a decision that was both sudden and a long time coming. I love the atmosphere here. It is a rural town with everything I need within a 5 minute drive from my place, but I can also drive for hours and see nothing but livestock and country. I live with one of my best friends and just a couple of minutes away from my other best friend, which is great, but it makes it tempting to disappear.

I dislike trying to make new friends. I have never been very good at it. People do not usually like me right away. I am intimidating. Even my best friends found me intimidating when they first met me. I do not tend to make good first impressions. And living with one of my friends makes it easy to not feel like I need others. Emotionally, I am an extrovert. I need people like I need to breathe. But I struggle when I have negative experiences with people.

Tonight was hard. I tried to go to an activity for my church group, but I could not find them at the park area where we were supposed to meet. I haven’t been there long enough to recognize faces in crowds, and there were a lot of other groups there tonight. I want to give up. I have friends. I live with a friend. Do I need to try to make more friends? Do I need to try to socialize here? Or can I just disappear? It would be easy to disappear.

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3 thoughts on “It Would Be Easy to Disappear

  1. If those questions come from fear and you don’t take action to beat the fear inside you, then fear it’s ruling your life.
    You will always have low self-esteem and a poor self-confidence in your whole life if you act out of fear all the time.

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    • It’s not so much fear as exasperation. I’m tired of trying and not getting results. I don’t see the need to keep trying if I already have what I need. I think it’s important to build relationships, but sometimes it just doesn’t seem worth the work.

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  2. I understand your frustrations. You are happy as you are and maybe trying to do what others expect you to do? That incident in the park is an awful experience for anyone to go through, especially somebody who already struggles in this area. I’m not surprised it made you irritated. I am glad you have the opportunity to write her on WordPress as it is good to get your thoughts and feelings out.

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