Something Good- Day 325-326

Friday after work I planned to go to a friend’s house. I stopped at a gas station to order pizza so it would be ready by the time I got there. Unfortunately, I ordered from the wrong location. I was so frustrated with myself and hungry that I sat in my car and cried. I messaged a friend to help calm me down while I waited for another pizza to be made at the right location. I was grateful she was available, and I felt much better after eating and spending time with my friends.

Yesterday was a warmer day. The snow had melted off the lawn, which allowed us to rake leaves we had left on the ground before the snow. We also cleaned up the garage and finished some laundry. I was grateful to accomplish so much during the day, and then get to reward ourselves with some shopping afterwards.

Something Good- Day 255-257

I came home very hungry on Friday, so we decided to eat out rather than cook something. We went to three different restaurants that all had long lines. While driving through the parking lot, we noticed that Jack-in-the-box had no line and decided to go there instead. I felt better after eating and we stopped at the grocery store to get some necessities before heading home. We spent the rest of the night trying to figure out financial aid for my sister, but we finally got everything done.

Saturday morning I scrolled through Facebook while eating breakfast and saw a posting for free furniture. I quickly changed and drove over. I was able to get a couple chairs for our basement and some cabinets. By noon, we had turned the cabinets into a makeshift play kitchen. Then, we took a quick trip to donate plasma and check out the thrift store. We found a stove for $0.50, which worked perfectly for the new kitchen we had made. We spent the rest of the night at my friend’s house for dinner and a movie.

Today, we went to church and had lunch there with friends. Afterwards, we updated the kitchen with pictures, a makeshift sink, and organized the supplies in the drawers. It looked great when we were all done, and the kids loved it!

Something Good- Day 236-240

It has been a while since my last post. I have been spending as much time with family as possible. Sunday I drew Pokemon characters for my nieces and nephew. Then we watched movies and had late night church.

Monday I spent the morning playing outside with the kids. We also played videogames for a while. I picked up my sister that night. We went out for a snack and watched a movie when we got back.

I headed back home Tuesday after a shopping spree at our favorite thrift store. We came away with a bundle of exciting games, books, and movies.

I went back to work yesterday after my short vacation. It was a calmer day, and I was able to catch up on my work. Then, I was able to buy some Pokemon cards for my nephew from someone online.

Today was a busier day at work. I started to get hangry at lunchtime, and I was frustrated that I would not have time to donate plasma during my lunch break. I eventually decided to get Costa Vida, which was delicious and helped me feel better. I came home after work with some treats because I had a couple coupons to use today.

Hangry

Last week was an especially difficult week emotionally. I had multiple breakdowns a day and just struggled to control my emotions several times throughout the week. By the end of the week, I realized that this was not simply the result of inconvenient timing of mood swings but was instead directly correlating to my eating habits. The longer it took for me to get food, the more aggressive and anxious I became.

I have always known that I struggle with handling needing food. I can tolerate hunger and can go without eating for a while without issues, but if I do not get food when I am expecting to eat, I lose self control. I lash out and have even injured myself at times. This probably sounds a bit extreme, but I looked up a couple articles about “hanger” and aggression around hunger. The ones I found most relevant explained that low blood sugar can decrease serotonin, which increases stress and affects the ability to regulate your mood.

As someone who already struggles with serotonin levels and mood regulation, this can easily send me over the edge. I remember as a kid, kicking myself off a bed because I was so hungry that I didn’t know what to do with myself. The biggest problem with all this is that it is difficult to provide food for yourself when you get to that point. Trying to cook something when your brain isn’t working leads to more anger and frustration because the process takes too long or is not going as planned.

At this point, I have realized as an adult that I have three options. I can withdraw myself from the situation until my body tires itself out and I no longer have the energy to be aggressive, or I can try to maintain self control just long enough to get something to eat, or I can allow things to get to the point when I explode and am at risk of hurting others or myself. I can’t tell you how many times I have experienced these problems as an adult, much less as a child. Granted, as a child, someone else was mostly responsible for providing food for me, but I had less control about how or when that food came.

I think it is interesting to note the differences between what we expect of children and adults. Often when we become most frustrated with how someone is acting, there is probably a physiological component to their behavior. Maybe they literally cannot just keep calm and carry on. Maybe they cannot communicate their needs. Maybe they cannot provide for themselves in the ways we expect. The difference between children and adults though is that we expect the child to learn to do these things and the adult to know how to do these things. But maybe instead we need to focus more on why things are happening to help prevent the physiological reaction because at that point, it is too late in many ways to avoid unwanted reactions.