If you haven’t noticed from my posts lately, I have been pretty much drowning the past couple weeks. I was suicidal and depressed and anxious and basically couldn’t handle life. Of course, feeling that way isn’t a foreign concept for me, especially with the added stress in my life, so I didn’t think anything of it. Until today I didn’t realize why I have been going insane.
This afternoon though, it became fairly obvious what the real problem was. If you want to go insane, not eating meals for two weeks is a pretty sure way to lose your sanity. I didn’t intentionally not eat; I simply didn’t have the time or motivation to prepare anything to eat. For the past two weeks, my daily diet consisted of a couple fruits, maybe a yogurt or cheese stick, a few pieces of bread, and some crackers or nuts. I justified this because I take a multivitamin and a protein supplement. And I have been so busy that I didn’t even realize how little I was eating. I ate in every spare moment, just nothing with much substance.
Anyway, the reason I’m posting this is: one, so you won’t worry about me because of my suicidal posts lately, and two, so you can look at your own life to see something simple you may be missing.
It was easy for me to miss that I wasn’t eating enough because I am constantly in pain, so hunger pains don’t register any more than the rest of my pain. It was easy for me not to realize that anything was different because I don’t own a scale and it’s hard to notice just by looking in the mirror that you’re unintentionally losing 3-6% of your body weight every week. It was easy for me to dismiss that something was physically wrong because I’m so used to things being emotionally wrong that I hardly consider the physical aspects.
Depression and anxiety and mental illness isn’t something you can just wish away or make disappear by simply taking care of your physical needs, but taking care of yourself physically definitely has a powerful impact on your mental health. So if you’re struggling more than normal or feeling more tired or less able to handle life, look at your physical needs first before you dismiss them because of your mental health. They may be having a bigger impact on you than you realize.