Grateful for Honest Voices

I’ll continue with my letters tomorrow, but today I wanted to talk about something else for a minute.

I have felt very alone for much of my life- alone in my struggles, alone in my journey, alone in my loneliness. And when I started this blog, I felt alone in my openness. I stopped blogging for about a year because it felt too scary to stand alone in my honesty, in my vulnerability, in my humanity. I was scared to tell people that I was different. It’s not like it was a secret, but saying it or writing about it seemed like social suicide. And let’s face it, my social life didn’t need anything else to help it plummet faster.

But I am so grateful that I’m not alone. I am so grateful for all the other honest voices out there. I am so grateful for all the people who have shared their stories, who are sharing their stories, and who will share their stories. I am so grateful that this isn’t a one way conversation. I’m grateful that I’m not just a voice lost in the vast world of the internet. I still am just one voice, and a relatively small voice at that, but I can unite my voice to the many voices. I am so grateful for that.

So, thank you. Thank you to all of you who put yourself out there. Thank you to all of you who are honest voices. Thank you for being voices I can unite with. Together, we might just make a difference.

Hearing Voices

I have been incredibly busy the last few weeks and I’ve had a ton of thoughts going through my head of posts to write, but this has been on my mind a lot lately so I figured I’d go ahead and talk about it.

Hopefully the title doesn’t throw people off. I’m talking about voices from when people are actually talking to you, not voices in your head or hearing things when no one is around.

Hearing the sound of someone’s voice is very hard for me to do sometimes.

I don’t know how most people hear the world, but when I hear the world I usually hear background noise first. I hear the sound of the wind rushing past my car as I drive more than I hear the sound of the radio. I hear the sound of the dishwasher or the dryer or the air conditioning or heavy breathing more than I hear the words someone is saying to me.

Unless sounds are at a different frequency, I have trouble differentiating between words and sounds. So if I’m listening to someone talk and their voice is at about the same tone as the sound of the dishwasher, I’m probably going to understand only about half of what they say. Meaning, I’m basically gathering the rest of the conversation from the context of what I do hear.

So if you’ve ever wondered why someone turns the sound up on the TV during the talking parts of a movie but then back down again during the action scenes, that’s probably why. The background music or other noises make it hard to decipher what people are saying so we try turning up the volume in an attempt to understand what’s going on. But when the other noises come back, we hear them at full volume and need to turn the sound back down. (Well, at least I do. I really don’t like loudness at all.)

So if I ever ask you to repeat something or look at you like I have no idea what you just said, it’s not because I’m not listening. I just can’t hear you with the sounds of the rest of the world. And I’m hoping that if you say it again, I’ll gather just enough from the context to understand the rest.