The Struggle for Sanity

The last few weeks I haven’t been able to do a lot of what I normally do because I’ve been sick and the temple where I work on Saturdays has been closed for maintenance. I didn’t realize how much all of this stuff helps me stay sane until I didn’t have it for a while.

I am generally very happy with my life. I have good friends, an amazing job, a supportive family, and lots of activities to keep me busy. For the last few years I have only listened to Christian music on the radio or CDs of books, talks, or uplifting music. And things are good, very good. In fact, things are so good that I forget how hard it is for me to stay sane sometimes.

I post on here about my struggles, not because I need to vent, but because people just don’t talk about this stuff. I post the secret hidden things that have been played out behind closed doors. The darkness and loneliness and thoughts that normally would never be said out loud. And I post these things because life is pretty good right now and I can look at the darkness without fear of becoming lost in it. I can step into the darkness for a moment to describe how it feels and experience the things I have tried to suppress for many years. I can remember because when I come out of remembering, I am safe.

It is interesting to me though how much everything I do really does affect how I feel. And I forget how hard it has been for me to get to this state of life. I forget that suicidal thoughts are still a reality and that I don’t just listen to Christian music because I enjoy it. I listen to Christian music because it makes me happy and I need to stay happy so I don’t focus on all the negative things of the world. I need to help people and go to church and read good books and listen to uplifting messages because that’s the stuff that keeps me from the dark. It’s all the good that I do and hear and see that keeps me sane.

So here’s to staying sane and all the things that keep me sane. Here’s to another week of happiness because I choose to fill my life with goodness and positive things. And here’s to all the people that help me on that path. Thank you. Thank you for all you do to make the world a better place.